She's gone forever
by tributegleekswift
Summary: Prim's death has caused Katniss' heart to break into a million pieces and she just can't put them back together. The closest thing Katniss has to family in District 12 is Peeta but will he be there to comfort her?
1. Chapter 1

I lay motionless on my bed wanting to wake from the nightmare that is my life. Everyday feels more and more unbearable knowing she is gone - Prim is gone. All I ever wanted to do was to protect her from getting hurt; I risked my life for her but it still wasn't enough to save her life. I find myself staring at a small container with nightlock pills inside of it on my bedside table, all I have to do is take one pill and my pain will be gone and I'll be free of despair.

As I prop myself up on one elbow, I grab the container and place a single nightlock pill in the middle of my palm. I feel so prepared to take my own life it but something is stopping me- It's Peeta. I know Peeta would be in my position now if I ever died and I'd be selfish to do this to him. I'd never forgive myself for this because I'm the closest thing he has to family now. I hear someone knocking loudly on the door so I drag myself out of bed, not even bothering to look in the mirror to see the state that I'm in. I quickly rush downstairs and open the door to see who has been knocking on it impatiently.

"Hi Katniss." Greets Peeta. He looks so put together and healthy; it almost looks like he hasn't been through what he has in the past few years.

"Hi." I mumble under my breath

"I'm worried about you. I haven't seen you leave your house in weeks." Says Peeta in a concerned voice.

"That's because I haven't!" I yell a little too loudly. I can tell he was hurt by the look in his face.

"Look, I'm sor-"

"Don't be sorry Katniss. I understand. I know what it feels like to lose someone who you loved more than anything; I just can't stand to see you like this. Please just let me help you." Peeta says as tears come up to his eyes.

I nod and Peeta puts the picnic basket he was holding earlier on the floor to hold me in his arms, his touch makes me feel so much better and unexpected warmth rushes through me. It was the same warmth I felt when he smiled at me after the chariot ride, in the cave and on the beach in past Hunger Games.

Peeta picks up the basket and walks in to my house and in to my living room which has been left untouched for weeks

"I brought you something." He says, opening the picnic basket and taking out a plate of freshly baked cheese buns. He knows they're my favourite. I feel my mouth watering as he places one in my hands.

"Thanks." I say stuffing the cheese bun into my mouth.

"When was the last time you ate?" he asks and I shrug my shoulders in response.

"So I guess you help Haymitch too?"

"Well… I try to." He says, laughing.

"Maybe I should go with you next time." I suggest.

"But isn't there something you should do first?" Peeta asks.

"What do you mean?"

"You should say goodbye to Prim. Say goodbye to her the way you would've if you had the chance."

Just someone mentioning Prim's name brings tears to my eyes. I was trying to hold onto her for weeks but now she's gone forever so I have to let go. I throw myself into his arms and start crying into his shoulder, he wraps his arms around me tightly and gently strokes my hair with his hand.

"I'll say goodbye to her tomorrow. I just can't do it now."

"I know." Replies Peeta as he holds my hand in his.

"Maybe you should get some rest Katniss." He says as he leads me upstairs and into my room.

As soon as we get into my room, I notice Peeta's eyes are locked on a small, plastic container on my bed. It's the container of nightlock pills. "Katniss, what's that?" Peeta asks as he points to the container.


	2. Chapter 2

Before I can even answer Peeta grabs the container quickly and as soon as he reads the white label attached to it, his eyes widen in shock. The expression on his face clearly shows that he's worried about me.

"Katniss why would you even consider taking one of these pills?" asks Peeta, raising his voice.

"I just don't know! I'm just s-so…broken and there's nothing that can fix me Peeta!" I yell with tears streaming down my face.

He wraps both of his arms around me as I mournfully sob into his shoulder; Peeta starts to let go of me as soon as I start to calm down a bit.

"Don't let me go." I whisper.

"I won't. I promise." He says.

When I wake up, my eyelids feel heavy and the last thing I remember was Peeta telling me to just close my eyes. For the first time in weeks, I haven't had any nightmares. I see Peeta's blue eyes looking directly at me. He must've slept next to me; he was the reason why I had no nightmares.  
"I think I'm finally ready to say goodbye to Prim now." I say quietly.

"Are you sure Katniss?" asks Peeta as I nod to respond.

He takes hold of my hand and leads me to the meadow where Prim's gravestone is. I suddenly begin to regret my decision- she was just so young and innocent. She never deserved any of this. I've been dreading this day for weeks because all I've been trying to do is hold on to Prim for as long as I could but she's gone. All I can do now is say goodbye.

Seeing Prim's gravestone immediately brings tears to my eyes, there were evening primroses, the flower which she was named after, scattered all over the place. The brightly coloured primroses still can't lighten the darkness of her death. I begin to walk closer to her grave stone with Peeta trailing slowly behind me.

"Should I leave you and Prim alone?" Peeta asks as begins to take a few steps away from me.

"No, please stay." I reply, gesturing for him to come closer.

I pluck thirteen evening primroses from a nearby bush; one for every year Prim was alive for. As I set the bouquet of primroses on her grave, I think about how she never got to be a doctor. Or got to finish school- there was just so much Prim didn't get to do in her short life.

"Prim, I miss you so badly. Life just isn't the same without you. I remember seeing your beautiful face light up when I gave you your goat, Lady for your birthday. You were just so little and perfect. You were everything that I wasn't: You were kind, sweet and you cared about everyone. Even buttercup. I love you so much." I say, as more and more tears are run down my cheeks.

I turn around to see that Peeta is crying too, as soon as he sees me he holds me in his arms again and gives me a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you.

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray  
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.

Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you." I sing quietly trying to keep myself from crying. Singing Prim's lullaby makes my mind flood with memories: happy memories of Prim as a child and painful memories of Rue's death.

"Goodbye Little duck." I whisper.


End file.
